Things Don't Always Work Out
by Open Casket Ceremony
Summary: Horohoro had been expecting for the new transfer student from China to fall in love with him. But things don't always work out as one plans. Oneshot, HoroRen.
1. Usui Horohoro Always Gets His Way

Disclaimer: Don't own. All that good stuff.

Author's Note: Not really a serious one-shot or anything of mine. I'm just bored. Yeah, I know it sucks. But whatever.

* * *

Horohoro was usually a below-average student. Meaning, C's, D's, and sometimes, even F's. Not that he really cared, because his only purpose to go to school was to talk with friends, and eat lunch with them. He could care less about his academic life. 

Lately, though, his grades had dropped even further because he hadn't been paying much attention in class. He had been distracted.

Distracted by the face of a new student.

His mind would just wander off as he stared and stared and stared, and he'd be able to think of something other than numbers and letters. Hell, he still had no idea what the kid's name was, but he liked it. It felt nice. And, now, he had another good reason to go to school - to stare at and dream about the new transfer student from China.

"Like what you see?"

No answer.

"I know what you're looking at."

No answer.

"Horohoro?"

"Huh?"

Horohoro blinked rapidly and turned around to face his friend, Asakura Yoh, who had been trying to attempt communication with the zoned-out Ainu for the past few minutes.

"Did you ask me something?" he mumbled, finding his gaze shifting back to its original target.

"You're staring at the transfer student," Yoh pointed out.

"Yeah? So?" Horohoro answered absently, not really paying attention to Yoh at all. There were better things to focus on.

Yoh gave Horohoro the usual lazy grin. "You know, staring's not going to do anything for you in the long run. Maybe you should step up your game a bit? Talking to him is a good place to start, I suppose. Or maybe you could..."

"Yeah," Horohoro answered, brightening up as if he had been enlightened. "Yeah. I think I'll go talk to him. I still have time, right? I mean, class hasn't started yet, right?" He glanced at the clock, and judging by the time, he knew he was right. Good.

He straightened out his tie and uniform collar. He had to look neat, he had to look sharp, he had to look smart. He had to make a good first impression. And with that, he rose confidently from his seat and swaggered in the transfer student's general direction.

"Yo."

The Chinese boy looked up at Horohoro, a blank look on his face.

"You do understand Japanese...right?" Horohoro inquired, remembering that the student has recently transferred from China, and maybe he only spoke Chinese.

"Yes," the dark-haired boy replied, glancing back to the front of the classroom, obviously uninterested.

"I'm Usui Horokeu," Horohoro added, ignoring the boy's apparent boredom. "But you can call me Horohoro if you really want to."

"Huh."

"And, may I ask _your _name, O Mighty Cute One?" he pressed on, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder and adding a wink for emphasis.

The Chinese student looked up at Horohoro, an expression on his face that one might have if some dung was placed under their nose.

_"Excuse me?" _he hissed, glaring coldly at Horohoro, not pleased at all with what he had addressed him as.

The blue-haired Ainu swallowed. This wasn't going as well as he had planned. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Horohoro always got what he wanted with the girls, and even sometimes, as Yoh said, "his charm would turn any straight man gay." They'd fall head-over-heels for him in seconds, regardless of their gender. So why would this intruiging new student be any different?

He tried again.

"Can I have your name?"

The boy sighed, clearly irritated. "It's Tao Ren."

Horohoro grinned. "Lotus, huh?" he replied. "That's a pretty name. It suits you."

Ren simply glared.

The bell rang.

The class fell silent.

Horohoro failed to notice.

Apparently, in his irritation, neither did Ren.

"Stop screwing around with me," he hissed.

Too bad for him, the whole class heard.

The class's female population immediately broke out into a peal of giggles. Apparently they liked to think dirty. Ren's cheeks instantly flushed scarlet, realizing he had chose the wrong words to use in a classroom full of impure minds.

Horohoro just smiled in this maddening way, like he knew some funny secret about Ren that even Ren himself didn't know about.

"Oh, don't worry," he grinned, giving Ren another cheerful wink. "I'm not done 'screwing around' with you quite yet. In fact, I've hardly even gotten to the good part-"

This comment was met with a hard, solid, pure bitch-slap to the face before it could even be uttered out in its full entirety. The force was enough to make Horohoro stagger backwards, holding his burning cheek.

"What was that for?" he spluttered. This was _so_ not happening. The new kid was supposed to be flattered with his comment on his name, then fall desperately in love with him, having the typical high school crush - and then the fireworks would begin.

But, no. Life's not fair. And things don't always work out.


	2. Asakura Hao is a Filthy Pretty Boy

Author's Note: I kind of had an idea to expand upon on this supposed "one-shot," so as of now, I'm continuing it. I don't know if I'll make it an official "story" or not, since I don't know how it will turn out. Also, I'm not used to writing in this style - more humorous than kind of...unhappy...like most of my other fics, but I'll try my best.

* * *

"Is something wrong, Usui? You look upset." 

Horohoro's head was hidden within his arms, folded across the top of his desk. Obviously, he wasn't in a very good mood.

Asakura Hao smirked smugly. He was very pleased about this.

"Let me guess. Another of your hundreds of little girlfriends - or boyfriends- decideds that he, or she, would much rather be with me instead of you?"

Horohoro looked up and gave Hao a sour look and a rude finger. He considered Hao a friend of his, but also considered him a dangerous and dire rival. Even more girls (and boys...) had had a crush on the older, chestnut-haired boy at some point than him. And being one who loved attention, this usually upset the Ainu.

"No," he muttered.

Yoh's face appeared seemingly out of nowhere, wearing a big grin. He poked his brother and cheerfully offered, "For the first time in his life, he got rejected." This was punctuated with a bout of poorly stifled laughter.

"Thanks, Yoh," Horohoro growled. "Appreciate it."

Hao's smile widened. "You poor thing," he cooed, running a hand through Horohoro's azure locks. "Are you going to cry?"

The Ainu swatted Hao's hand away with a growl. He was irritated. Usui Horohoro was _never _rejected. Usui Horohoro _always_ got his way, no matter what. And this was the first time a flirtatious operation of his had backfired. "Mission: Charm the New Kid" had been a dismal failure.

"Who was it?" Hao inquired, peering at his upset friend.

"Tao Ren," Horohoro mumbled unhappily.

"Ah, the new kid," Hao laughed. He grinned, continuing on to say, "Ouch. That kid's got a pretty face alright, but his tongue's like a knife. And he's got one hell of a bitch-slap going on there, doesn't he? Bad choice, Horohoro. Shouldn't have provoked him so soon. I hear he's hard to get."

"Yeah, thanks for warning me _now_," Horohoro shot back, oozing sarcasm.

Hao paused for a moment.

He nudged Horohoro.

"Hey," he announced. "I bet I could get that Tao kid to let me snog him before you can."

Horohoro glared at Hao. "You _so _cannot," he countered. "I heard that he doesn't like dudes with long hair."

"Really, now? Well, _I _heard he doesn't like idiots who fail every one of their classes, either."

Horohoro stood up and slammed his hands dramatically on his desk. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"That sounds like a challenge! Are you challenging me, huh, Hao?"

"Hell, you know I am. I'm challenging you, alright, Usui."

"You're on."

"Whoever can get Tao Ren to let them snog him first..."

"...5,000 yen for the winner."

"I'm going to win."

"No, I am."

And that was how the whole thing started, really. A simple challenge between two boys, a pact to confirm and defend their manly honor and pride. Or something like that. For Hao, it was mostly for the money and the satisfaction that he would be confirmed as more well-liked than Horohoro, if he won. And for Horohoro, it'd be the money, and of course, it would mean he'd be able to maybe even learn something new about Tao Ren.

Hao snapped right to action, his "Ren-radar" on super-high. He looked towards the door of the classroom, just as the Chinese boy he was waiting for strode in, balancing a precarious pile of textbooks within his arms. He reacted before Horohoro had even noticed the boy's arrival.

In the blink of an eye, Hao was already by Ren's side, much to Horohoro's horror. Why, that sneaky piece of shit! He was already trying to get the first advantage!

"Looking good today, Tao," Hao commented, running a keen eye over Ren's features. "May I carry some books for you?" He was obviosuly trying for the gentlemanly approach first. It usually worked with boys and girls alike.

Ren didn't stop at all, let alone even take a single look at Hao. He simply ignored him as he made his way to his desk and placed the stack of books down on the desktop. He then procceeded to take a seat, rifling through his notes as if Hao was made of air.

And Asakura Hao didn't take kindly to being ingored.

"The name's Asakura Hao," he continued, trying to catch Ren's eye, but finding that it was constantly evading his glances. This was starting to piss him off. Their eyes were supposed to meet in a sweet romantic moment, then Ren would start blushing prettily, and then Hao would swoop in on his vunerable prey to make his next move.

Things don't always work out.

This was going to be as difficult as hell.


	3. Tao Ren Can Kick Harder Than You Think

Hao had gone and dove straight into the bet, but he already found himself treading in risky waters. He wondered if he'd been to hasty? But yet, backing out now and waiting for a later moment would be shameful.

He pursed his lips. He would hate to have to resort to desperate measures so soon in the bet. He'd have to try, try, try again. But he had to admit he had been expecting this to be easy. I mean, he _was _the almighty Asakura Hao, whose fangirls and fanboys outnumbered even the great Usui Horokeu.

He gave Ren what he obviously thought was a winning smile. "You're new here, aren't you? Didn't you just come here two days ago? Want me to show you around the school and kind of give you a good idea of what goes on around here?"

The answer he recieved was short, not-so-sweet, and to the point.

"No."

Hao smiled again, increasing the radiance by approxiamtely 35 percent. "Are you sure? I wouldn't ever want a sweet young thing like you to be lost and alone in this big, wide school. Not all the people will treat you as nicely as I'm willing to."

Ren finally turned around to look at the boy who was pestering him.

"Aha!" Hao thought mentally. "Success!"

Unfortuantely, he thought wrong.

"You're annoying," Ren answered coldly. "Go jack off in a bush somewhere."

Hao almost let an _"Ex-CUSE me, bee-yotch?" _slip out, but caught himself just in time. Instead, he gave Ren yet another gracious smile. "Ooh, that's quite a dirty tongue you've got there," he answered smoothly. "Good. I like 'em dirty. The dirtier, the better."

Ren gave Hao an icy glare. "Do you know what breathmints are?"

Not too far away, Horohoro and Yoh were basically dying of laughter. Apparently, Hao was not as suave as he thought himself to be.

And that was when Hao knew he had to resort to Plan B.

"In fact, I do, my dear," he replied, taking Ren's hand in his own, which was met with a look of utter revulsion. "But, when I look upon your face, I find it difficult to remember."

Ren raised an eyebrow. "You're in my personal space," he pointed out. "Leave me alone."

Hao chose to ignore this. He had a task, a momentous task. Failure was unacceptable. His pride as a man was at stake.

So, he then planted a gentlemanly kiss on the backside of Ren's pale, thin hand.

"I am simply astounded by your wit, your intellect, your graceful-"

He was instantly cut off as he felt an extremely sharp and killer pain in his crotch region, and a split second later, he found himself flying across the room, smashing into several desks and knocking them over in his airborne path.

And then came the not-so-graceful landing, if you could really call it a landing, as he crashed to the floor.

The room fell into a deathly hush for a few moments, before a few of the bolder girls dared to let out a few giggles. They were instantly silenced as Hao flew into a hissy fit.

"You...you...you little..." Hao squeaked, clutching his Asakura Jr. as if he was afraid it was going to fall off. He quickly resisted the urge to throw an insult back, as that would most likely dramatically decrease his chances of winning the bet.

Horohoro was pretty much wetting himself with hysterical laughter.

"Nice kick," Hao managed to wheeze.

God, it hurt.

He limped sullenly back towards Horohoro and Yoh like a dog with its tail between its legs. The two were still cracking up like crazed criminals who have spent too much time in the asylum.

Still choking with laughter, Horohoro looked up at the whiteboard to see which assignments were due.

"Essay? What essay?" he muttered, reading the words "Essay due today" scrawled across the board.

"The paper we had to write about communism and its effects on society," Yoh answered. "Horohoro, we had two whole weeks to finish it."

Horohoro shrugged. "Don't care." He glanced at the board again, catching the date.

February 13.

Meaning tomorrow was February 14.

Japanese Valentine's Day. In short, boys would recieve chocolates from their admirers.

And this led to him plotting out the perfect idea.


	4. Valentine's Day Kills Unhappy Children

Author's Note: Uh, just some random insight, but the Hao in my previous chapter kind of reminds me of Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club. -shudder-

And, by the way, I know that the Japanese Valentine's Day is meant for girls to give items to guys. And White Day is for guys to give things to girls. But, by Hao, Horohoro, and Ren having all the same gender, it raises complications, so I decided to use Valentine's Day, as it's fundamentally a more well-known holiday, since White Day is scarely celebrated outside of Asia. Thanks for understanding.

* * *

February 14. 

The day in which masculine pride reaches its peak and overflows. Every single male is eager to recieve a chocolate or two from someone admires them, and those who do not consider it a great blow to their supposed manly egos.

Horohoro showed up to school that day carrying two large paper grocery bags. One to hold all the chocolates he was sure to recieve, and the other full of chocolates he had purchased by himself for use in his master plan. It had better work.

The day before, after carefully planning his strategy, he had snooped behind Ren long enough to watch him open his locker, thus memorizing the combonation.

Yes. He was that obsessive. There was no way Hao was beating him. Defeat was something that was simply unacceptable. So he skipped towards the lockers, feeling blithe, carefree, happy, and very, very pleased with himself.

As soon as he set foot on campus, he was bombarded with fanciliy wrapped chocolates. Swarms of girls from all sides thrust various packages forward, begging for his acceptance of their gifts. And of course he did. Every year he'd compare his chocolates with Hao's and see who recieved more.

After the wave of fangirls had finally disappeared, he skipped cheerfully in the direction of Ren's locker. It was time to carry out his brilliant plan.

Meanwhile, Hao confidentely strode purposefully towards his target, clutching an expensive set of Belgium chocolates and a bouquet of red roses, freshly purchased from the florist that morning. Squeals and whispers of excitement could be heard from all around him.

"Ooh, look what Hao-senpai's got. Who do you think it's for?"

"Me, definetely! I know it's for me!"

"Nah, probably something someone gave him."

Hao grinned to himself. How hopeless and vapid these girls were. Just one look - and bam. If only Ren was that easy to win over. He'd be 5,000 yen richer in no time. Unfortunately, he wasn't, so he'd have to do things the hard way.

He made a beeline straight for the unsuspecting Ren, who was innocently attempting to squeeze through the crowds to get to his locker. As well as jabbing people in their ribs with his elbows to clear a path, if that's really considered innocent.

Hao causally placed a hand on Ren's shoulder and announced, "There you are, my sweet Ren. I've been looking all over the campus for you."

Ren turned around, giving Hao a dirty look. Hao resisted the urge to give up hope. All Ren needed was that simple, wordless glare to send messages through Hao's brain that all read, "Fuck off or I'll kill you."

He swallowed hard, breaking out into a cold sweat. This was the moment of truth, the moment that could mean 5,000 yen more or 5,000 yen less. He couldn't back out now, of all times. This was monumental, this was important. So, trying to hide his nervousness, he held the chocolate and roses out to the scowling boy.

Ren glared at the gifts as if his gaze alone could melt the chocolates through the box and cause the roses to whither and die.

"Please accept these humble offerings," Hao continued smoothly. "These costly chocolates are a symbol of how much I'm willing to give you, and these red roses represent my passionate love for you-"

He blinked. What the hell? That evil little monster had walked away from him! Hao clenched his fists. How dare he! The nerve of him! The money he had invested towards the chocolates and the roses immediately went swirling down the drain.

Far away and definetely pissed off, Ren had finally managed to get to his locker. He had never been a morning person, and some jerk had already tried to give him some crap he didn't want or need, all before school had even started. What a stupid morning it was, and he had a feeling it was simply going to get worse.

He was right.

As soon as he opened his locker, a tsunami of packages, candies, flowers, and adorable stuffed animals came thundering upon him, burying him in a massive heap of sweet, loving, goodness. Upon freeing himself from the flood, he glanced at one of the packages, and then to the next.

To his horror, every single item had been labeled with a bright pink tag, all of which read, "To the lovely Tao Ren, with many hugs and kisses from Usui Horohoro." Dozens of stuffed teddy bears and bunnies stared sweetly up at him through round plastic eyes, watching on as if waiting for a reaction.

He looked towards a parcel wrapped in particularly fancy paper, by which was affixed the usual note about hugs and kisses, along with an additional message, "Open this as soon as possible, please." Curiousity got the better of him, and despite his fury, Ren found himself tearing the red paper away from the box inside. He peeked cautiously into the box - and then Mt. Ren blew its volcanic top.

A lacy, bright red set of very _sexy_ lingerie.

The Chinese boy let out a clearly audible scream of frustration, ripping an affectionately sewn teddy bear into pathetic halves, throwing its head against the wall and its torso into the back of an unfortunate passerby's skull.

How dare that lecherous oaf even consider giving him something of such obscene nature?

Ren was offended, annoyed, and definetely mad as hell.


End file.
